My experience with the desi champ in the America of United States: 2005

It was year  2005.  I was on a short trip to US office. I had an application engineer visiting me for some technical resolution. Story goes like this.

Some Mr kapoor walks up to me. 
‘Hey’ he greets me with an alien smile .

‘Hi..glad to ..’ I responded and paused in middle.

On my right he finds the familiar folk, he is quick to poke him 
“ hey jack ..u gatta take me to the cheese factory … Boston sox will flatten ur New York Yankees’.

‘Yeah yeah u decide where to go mate’ Jack nods softly and turns back to his big screen. Baady(buddy) u gonna take me to the one on the north of the gas station at middlesex avenue just a quarter miles from the Cohl store’

Mr Kapoor at his best turns to me to find me in despair.

Quite amused I was,  got some thoughts crossing, I figured out he was a HBAA ( Hindi Born American Accent ), graduated recently in it. Must be from Patpadganj (may be GK2 ), Green card, may be or still on H1.Our conversation began. He started explaining , I started observing and admiring. Explanation was high on American accent low on substance. Basically a sales pitch. It was my turn to introduce my character.

I started ‘Bhai ye kaise ho sakta hai ..’

then ‘ohh dada tumko nahi lagta ye aise nahi solve hoga’ then “praji baat suno tussi kuchh confusia gaye ho’.

I had to forgo whatever little english I knew for my polished Panjabi pra. I could read him through his face.

His mind was boiling 
‘Ye desi ke sath mein kahan phas gaya aaj, kyon aate hein itne desi yahan america' 
If I am found in this kind of Praji and dada kinda conversation ..aayee yukk’.

Technical solution was out of the reach as our minds were out of sync. However I managed to get him to “multivoltage” from his “multaaivoltage”. And that finally happened
 I smiled ‘I gaat it man’.

The humour was right on the spot he was amused this time. Situation demanded resolution over mannerism. So I took him for a coffee break to break the ice. Next was to introduce him to the MCBC gateway. This was quicker. He finally spoke as if he spoke after years. I always knew the power of BC especially among northies. After the break the work around of the issue was crafted with lots of BC in the air. Indian minds best at the Jugad (work arounds). A day after I took him to lunch in my rented big car.

‘Patrol sorry GAS bhar leta hoon thoda’ I stepped out at the gas station.

After filling I kept looking in to the nozzle until Mr Kapoor rebutted ‘card swipe bagal mein hota hai’

Bang on I was, so expressed my innocence ‘yaar dekh raha hoon ye liquid hai ki gas’.

He wanted to say duffer it’s GASoline . But he was smart enough to know what I was up. He smiled,  turned straight and dint respond. I acknowledged  and offered  no more poking.

On another visit I met my friend for a dinner living in the US for over a decade, a razor sharp engineer, remembering Mr kapoor I ask him ‘tera accent nahi badla re’ he asks back ‘oye pahadi tu cock (coke) piyega ya juice’ and we burst in laughter.

Another conversation with an american high on India. My opportunity for chest thumping.  It was during a flight back from US. An American lady next to me in the flight. She has had traveled across India in her college days when I wasn’t even born. Good common ground so the conversation kicked off. I behaved a real gentleman as if I am the ambassador of Indian ethos, genuinely praised America for what I understood as per my limited understanding. Quite calculatedly explained Indian issues with all defenses and justifications.

Sipping the red wine I said ‘Ma’am America is indeed the land of opportunity. German Americans , Dutch Americans Lebanese Americans , Spanish and umpteen no of Asian Americans’

expressed my head to heal impressed feel for America.

She smiled, I dint stop , further stressed ‘America welcomes you with open arms , it’s everyone’s country, systematic , transparent, VCs, silicon valley, entrepreneurs, innovation what not…ma’am it’s a dream land to work for people like us’

wine bottoms up n I stopped.

She smiled with less than 100% agreement but was amused with my America affection.

‘Boy It wasn’t this way since eternity , the Americans made it’ She said.

Next I wanted to say the contribution of Indians in America but then I gulped. I was clean bowled , it kept me thinking.

Then we spoke of colonial time in America, industrial revolution, slavery , white supremacy , voting rights, civil wars martin luther king. A country is made its not granted, every country has its history to die for was the bottom line.

‘U know a lot of America how much have u lived here’ she asked.

‘very limited, almost nil ma’am it’s more from reading and talking. By the way Indians know a lot about America’ I giggled.

‘Hmm what u see is top layer1. There is a lot of undercurrent in deeper layers’ she said with some pain.

‘America is still a racist and sexist country’ she paused and looked at me. I nodded in disagreement.

Few things from back home flashed (chinki, madrasi , betiyan) It can’t be worse than in my country. Couldn’t find courage to expose india on that.

‘This election will be the testimony for America’ she woke me up from my chain of thoughts.

It was last presidential election time. Obama and Hilary were  fighting head to head for nomination from democrats.

‘It’s a black or a woman, whoever becomes the president ..America will win , but I know from Florida to Alaska people want a white American man to be the president if you ask the 70% majority in private’.

‘Really ! ‘

I said and brought the focus to India.

Good that I had just finished “The argumentative Indians” (Though I started disliking the author after that ). I went little gung-ho over patriotism of Indians. She kept listening quietly. Then conversation lingered around culture , family values etc. I recalled something and said

‘My American colleague spoke of his daughter’s boyfriend during a team lunch, it was very strange to me ma’am. Quite open your culture isn’t it? ‘

I asked with curiosity.

‘It’s just an open communication, doesn’t mean the father is any less conservative or concern of his daughter’ she clarified.

Another myth ( our family values are most sacred) faced reality.

In sometime it was getting serious so I thought to get some punch in the conversation .

‘Those Walmart front-desk folks are so programmed ma’am” I said with some humour.

I eagerly narrated an incident ‘One lady said u can return the stuff in 3 months no questions asked. I told I’ll return it in 1 month I am going back. On that the lady said she is unaware of 1 month return policy she’ll talk to her manager’.

We burst in laughter.

Then I went little overboard and said ‘ In India even the most unaware chap would know Obama is contesting in the US. We may be 3rd world but have knowledge of all worlds’.

She responds ‘ I see that’.

‘And Americans call the interstate soccer tournament as world cup haha’ I said in my mischievous best tone.

She paused and said with smile ‘ Doesn’t that tell you how patriotic Americans are. America is the world for them’. I was stumped with the spin. Her decency that she dint say America is the world for Asians too. Best answer of an unanswerable!

The concluding remark from her which still resonate was "America is the land of opportunity but India has always been the ultimate land of wisdom and philosophy ". I couldn't figure out how to bring that in the context. My response remained indifferent. Guess it was philosophically emotional line.

Flight ready to land at Milano.